Why You Should Never Take Dating Advice from Women
Women Will Tell You How to Impress Her
Guys getting dating advice from women never works out well. Why? No one quite knows. It’s rather like all the theories behind why the Grinch hated Christmas. Maybe his heart was two sizes too small, or then again, maybe his shoes were just way too tight. Both are reasonable explanations, but no one knows really which explanation is true.
The best dating advice you’ll get from women is the vague and generic kind. Advice like “just be yourself” or “act naturally”. This is because there’s no way it can possibly harm you.
In other cases, advice from women to men will include a sequence of paradoxical and self-contradicting directives like “be attentive but not too attentive” as if there’s some possible way to know when this mystical barrier has been crossed. They will then conjure an image in their mind of two guys. The one guy will be a douchebag and the other guy will be the sweetest guy ever, neither of which they would ever have sex with. So they’ll say things like “be nice, but not too nice”, “play it cool, but not too cool”. What they should be telling you instead, is neither to play it cool nor to not play it cool.
…When You Should be Trying to Get to Know Her
Dates are all about chemistry. If you want to impress a girl, then impress her with the knowledge that this date is not going to dictate your emotional esteem one way or the other. Dates happen all the time. Sometimes they work out. Sometimes they don’t work out. And it’s nobody’s fault when they do. The idea that’s wrong is that you should try to impress her in the first place. Instead of impressing her, relate to her, like she is a human being not much different than you.
There you are, the two of you, two people who do not know each other, trying to get to know one another. You’re not there to impress her, you’re not there to evaluate her, you’re there to develop a rapport, and then, later, sometime afterward, you can evaluate that rapport. If it works for you, great. If it doesn’t, that’s ok too, and if it works for both of you, then maybe you’ve found something of lasting value.
Guys ask me for dating advice all the time and this is the advice I give them. Develop a rapport, and see if you have any chemistry. Advice from women for men tends to come out as contrived as humanly possible, laden with qualifier terms, and self-negating utterances that probably mean something in their imagination, but won’t to you.
I say this with the ultimate respect and admiration for women, but they don’t understand what it’s like to be a man on a first date, and they don’t realize when they give advice like “don’t try too hard” they’re actually advising you to try hard not to look like you’re trying hard.
The trick to making a first date successful is to leave it free to be successful or not. Women do this all the time, without realizing it. It comes naturally to them and not to men who are expected (in their own minds) to be solely responsible for the success or failure of the date. The truth is dates fail because they should fail. When two people get together and don’t have any chemistry or they can’t develop the right kind of rapport, there’s nothing you can do, or any advice anyone could give you that will turn it the other way. So relax. Just don’t be too relaxed. Just kidding.